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First off, live with the fact that I ain't the best at English and that I only have critiqued a few times before.

The way you start off as some happy fairy tale with a good ending is really great. And then this comes The next thing you know, a bloodied knife has torn through the pages of that story, making a little surprise in me. I was a bit confused, but after rereading the sentence, I understood it. You meant it for being a slash between the normal kind of fairy tale or story, right?
The way you describe the young man is great. I just miss something of what he's wearing. Is he naked? Or is he wearing a dress? Or a kimono? I'm a bit confused there.
All those words in the end of this is great. I don't know why, but I love when writers does that.

Vision: The short writing reflects an idea you got. I gave it 4½ stars because it wants me too read more of this story.

Originality: Now, I've seen this before, somewhere some years ago in a book I read. It was written in a different way, but I don't think this and that share anything in common really. Therefore, 4 stars.

Technique: You are a very skilled writer, after all, you are the Goddess of Fanfiction. Anyways, as I said earlier, it makes me wanna read more. I gave it 4½ because it wasn't so long.

Impact: Blown out of my seat from the epicness. I hope the full story will be as good as this is!

Again, i'm sorry if it is a bad critique. I'm still quite new at this, and I hope you found this helpful.

Mico Gallus Nutziri
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.


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